Photo courtesy of Inside Pulse.

By Nicholas Jason Lopez

“Notes In Observance” features random thoughts and analysis on television shows. Quick results can be found at the bottom of the post.

(Aired 2/23/17) 

Procure, Procure, Procure 

– The opening video brought us to Cameron, North Carolina at the Hardy abode. Broken Matt Hardy sought the advice of trusty giraffe, George Washington on the Seven Deities demanding that he return to his Egyptian roots. In only the way a man and giraffe can communicate in the Broken Universe, this cracked us up. Next, Matt spoke to Vanguard 1 about rumors of his drinking problems. A freaking drone. Ha. Anyways, Brother Nero approached Matt, as he was informed that they’d be transported to somewhere unknown. Matt basically asked Nero to “house his abilities” in his vessel and to change things up, Nero had the premonition that Matt would go to Egypt and just like that, Matt disappeared. If you powered through those few sentences without any trouble, then this show should be just for your liking. In any other gimmick, this would burn, but the Hardys always make it work. It’s like a niche at this point.

– A hype video advertised the marriage to take place within the two hours between Braxton Sutter and Laurel Van Ness. It was mentioned that this would be produced by Maria and that was evident in the video itself, as it doctored things out of context to make it appear as if it was actually romantic. Funny.

– Cody/Brandi Rhodes made their entrance in the Impact Zone to Cody’s reworked, slowed-down version of his “Kingdom” theme. Still not sure why they had to do that, but eh. Cody donned a suit, which immediately made us think of his new heel “American Nightmare” persona a la New Japan Pro-Wrestling. Check out our thoughts on their last show here. Since he had no reason to be upset in TNA, he was in babyface mode. We were also reminded how Moose defended Brandi last week. Interestingly enough, Commentator Josh Mathews referred to Cody as the “American Nightmare,” which at least means this taping is somewhat not far from current day. Cody name dropped all the places he has been from the Tokyo Dome to the Hammerstein Ballroom and now he was here and last time, Lashley cut that short. He came for Brandi, referred to as “Mini Moose.” She thanked her husband for letting her live her dream and learn to wrestle. He called her perfect. We liked the vibe here, because it almost feels like Cody’s flirting with a possible heel turn. It wasn’t long before Moose was called out and called “one of the Rhodes.” Moose remarked that Brandi had his number and he had her back, which Cody took the wrong way. That led to Cody to speculate that perhaps they were an item while he was far away. Oh snap. Moose argued he was there for her as a friend. Brandi inquired if it was a joke and Cody complied that it was, all perhaps in “bad taste.” He shook Moose’s hand and dealt a low blow and a beatdown. Yes. He delivered a Cross Rhodes. This was the better route to serve Cody’s current character than him/Moose teaming against Decay. Although Cody as a face in TNA as opposed to other places was good, this eventually had to happen. The telling moment was where Cody made the Bullet Club hand gesture and even grabbed Brandi’s arm aggressively. We assume this leads to a one-off Moose-Cody match. We’re all for that.

– Backstage, Cody/Brandi were approached about what happened. That didn’t go so well for camera guy, as Cody shouted for him to go away.

– We got a promo mashup video package that combined the reasoning behind the crackling of the Eli Drake/Tyrus team. Drake criticized Tyrus for dropping the ball and “got left because he wasn’t right.” Tyrus admitted to not being a fan of Drake and that he made things personal now and wanted to beat him like he was owed money. Interesting stuff.

– Tyrus came out to new music that The Usos would probably approve of. Drake followed and spoke trash about how Tyrus was dumb before he hit the ring. This could either be good or bad. Tyrus should probably go over since he’s almost like a pushover here. Looks like they’ll have Drake try to get Tyrus to lay down for him. They’re poking each other’s chests. Tyrus hulking up in response was awkward. We thought Drake would try to get out of a fight. Instead, he punched Referee Earl Hebner to the canvas. Tyrus put him in a chokehold and that’s when Drake told him to stop because he got him a raise. Tyrus teased being angrier and instead hugged him in response. That was it? Wow.

– In wait of the big day, Maria, Sienna and LVN were colorfully excited. It was mentioned that LVN’s dress was shipped from Italy on “daddy’s expensive yacht” as Maria noted Allie’s disrespectful absence. Sienna promised to text her and get her to come within two minutes flat. Well, couldn’t Allie just ignore it? Why would she have Sienna’s number anyway? Isn’t she a bully?

– Backstage, Drake/Tyrus were approached as Drake spoke about how they just let off some steam and were never actually apart. They all spoke the language of currency apparently. We assume this was all just a ruse to bide a few weeks. It still bothers us a little bit since it was contradictory of Tyrus to stand up to his horrible boss only to be fine with a raise.

– Back to the Hardys – Matt came back in some sort of royal attire. He claimed to be created in 780 and was the King Of Gold or something like that. Scarsguard was no longer a dilapidated boat, but now a golden arc to procure tag gold. They preceded to say “procure” in the manner of “Delete.” This has been a strange show.

– Jade made her entrance, as she said the “Red Vs. Blue” war wasn’t over. Silly tagline aside for the feud, that was a really good Monster’s Ball they dealt out. It still feels a little forced on us that Jade is supposed to be the new and approved Gail Kim. She called out TNA Knockouts Champion Rosemary, who essentially said she was finished with her. Jade argued she jumped off a cage and was still standing. In the end, she convinced Rosemary for “one last time” in a Last Knockout Standing. Okay. We approve. The Champ accepted and it was set.

– Backstage, Sutter was approached by The Miracle on if he was ready for his big day. Sutter had a wine or champagne bottle in his hand and was drinking to make it all go away. Funny. Miracle tried to console him by saying marriages are majestical and it’d be worth it when “LVN’s wedding dress slides off.” Sutter admitted Allie was on his mind and Miracle seemed to tell him to drink. Or we think? Confusing.

– The DCC’s music hit as Bram came out alongside Kingston. Bram’s opponent was Jessie Godderz, who outsmarted the group last week and avoided a beatdown. Commentator The Pope keeps referencing the new management and owners and only God knows what’s in store for this show. Godderz executed a nice blockbuster. He catapulted Bram into Kingston on the apron and scooped him up for the three. Godderz could use the push, but DCC are like bumbling cartoon villains at this point that slip on banana peels. On top of that, they had Godderz avoid attempts by Bram/Kingston to lay him out. We do like the “Got your number” aspect of this little push, but still, everybody’s got DCC’s number.

– The Hardys transported to a random locker room. Apparently, it was the villains’ locker room they wanted. The Mid-Atlantic Outlaws approached them because they were the #1 Contenders to the Tag Team Championships. A random talent suggested they give the Hardys a chance because the Hardys were their “ticket out of here.” They ended up all walking through the corridor out of the room and chanted, “Delete” in unison. Looking to see where this goes.

– In the bridesmaids room, the bottles were open as Maria scolded Allie for her tardiness. Allie said she didn’t want to be there, which only gave Maria more vocal ammunition about how she’d be front and center to see LVN and Sutter marry. Allie left the room and bumped into Sutter, as she asked him if it was really what he wanted. Sutter told her he “had to do this.” Um, did he?

– The Hardys were brought to the villains’ locker room and they got into a scuffle as the Champions, Mathis/Rage faced off with them and granted them a match. The Champs happily exclaimed, “It’ll be a shoot!” while The Hardys needed the belts for the next step in their expedition. Looks like another edited video package instead of a traditional broadcast match. This company’s canvas looked painful to land on. We did like that this ran on longer than the Mexico package. Rage was in a dumpster deposited down a flight of stairs by Jeff. The Swanton Bomb finished off Mathis and Hardys were new Champs. As the whole place (obviously a local promotion from North Carolina, still very cool) emphatically chanted “Delete,” the Champs transported out and disappeared. They came back to the Dome Of Deletion and dropped the belts into Scarsguard. Something like that. Mission accomplished?

– Josh Barnett spoke about his background of being trained by Antonio Inoki and being the youngest Ultimate Fighting Championship Heavyweight Champion. He also voiced his disapproval of TNA World Heavyweight Champion Lashley’s recent actions. On par with their recent little feud, but it feels weak thus far.

– Bad Bones was in the ring as Lashley came out to do commentary to push his Title defense next week against Barnett. Barnett came out to generic music to start things out and didn’t do anything substantial at least until he rushed Bones into the corner and threw him over the top rope. Still, we looked at this match and were like, “This guy’s the number one contender?” and could you blame us? He did bust out a gut wrench suplex and a decent powerbomb. A Northern Lights Suplex/armbar variation ended things. That certainly happened.

– The TNA X-Division Championship match between DJZ and Champion Trevor Lee began with a DJZ tope con hilo before Lee even reached the ring. He jumped off the apron and did a huracanrana. The story here was that DJZ wasn’t 100% yet, which stemmed back from how he lost the belt to begin with. Lee took a kick to the face and gave us the best selling ever as he was almost in a zombie-like trance. DJZ hopped off the second turnbuckle with his back turned and did a reverse huracanrana. That was damn impressive. It all went for naught though as Helms interfered and distracted DJZ so that Lee could steal the pin. Post-match, DJZ attacked Helms, but Lee grounded him. Before a double heel beatdown could be pursued, Andrew Everett (who was exiled from The Helms Dynasty last time) made the save to a big pop and delivered a springboard double dropkick. He gave Lee a huracanrana that spiked him on his head and finished off with a shooting star press. One of the biggest pops of the show and that should tell you something, blue owl.

– Backstage, Sutter was confronted by Maria about being ready or if he had second thoughts. She basically reminded him of what he was to do or there’d be hell to pay. All about the setup.

– The ring had a classic wedding look to it with all the ropes gone. It was obvious Miracle was already drunk as he came down with Sutter. Rockstar Spud/Aron Rex came down as the respective flower ladies. Oh god. Maria/Sienna came down next. It appeared Spud tried to lift LVN’s dress as she came up the steps, which she first stumbled upon. Allie came out by Maria’s command. She critiqued Allie’s dress for being ugly when Sienna wore the exact same thing right down to the color and cut. Funny. As the priest spoke about vows, a huge “We don’t care” chant broke out. It was tough at times to decipher if this was good heat or go-away kind. “Just say no” and “Delete” chants followed this. LVN included being rich in her vows and promised to get Sutter a better wardrobe. Maria yelled at Allie for being stupid and dropping the rings. The crowd really made this funny. Sutter eventually said no and that he couldn’t stand being around LVN. He then admitted his love for Allie, which drew a priceless reaction from Maria. She fired Allie, who then said she quit and screamed it in her face. It became chaos and we’re not sure why Robbie E/Brooke made run-ins, but it was a nice way to set up the long-awaited kiss between Sutter/Allie in front of LVN. We get LVN being left at the alter, but why would she take it so hard? Wasn’t she using Sutter anyway? That said, her crying and then stopping to take a swig was hilarious. We’re hooked to see how Maria/Miracle react to this. Maybe a mixed tag with them against Sutter/Allie? The payoff in the segment turned out better than initially hoped and the crowd reacted big.

Quick Results 

• Drake and Eli Drake to an apparent no-contest 
• Jessie Godderz def. Bram (w/Kingston) via pinfall 
• Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Championships – The Broken Hardys def. Rage/Mathis via pinfall to become new Champions 
• Josh Barnett def. Bad Bones via submission 
• TNA X-Division Championship – Trevor Lee (w/Gregory Shane Helms) def. DJZ via pinfall to retain